You can tell everybody this is your song

Recently I got my hair highlighted. I had thought about doing it for some time. I had never colored my hair before. My hair is really dark brown but with some natural auburn highlights. I always wondered if a little more red would look nice. Being that I am into trying to look a little more hip and a little less boring old mom, I decided to try it. I love my hairdresser. It took me forever to find one I liked down here. But finally I did and so I trusted her to make me look good. I had no idea what it would like. It was kind of a leap of faith.

When I got to see my hair after they washed off the color solution I was a little shocked. My highlights are like a burgundy red. More red than I expected. Certainly not what you might call natural looking in my hair. But somehow it was really cool. I loved it. A color risk I probably never would have taken if I had picked it out. And so much better because I didn't get a chance to say no. It was just there, making me look different, cool, and good.

It was quite a shock to pretty much everyone who knows me. Most people really like it and if they don't, I don't much care. But I would kind of catch people staring at me or looking at my hair like they had to kind of fit it in with their image of me. I must admit I'm finally starting to get used to it myself after a week and a half. I would look in the mirror and go "whoa!". And it made me start to think about those reality makeover programs on TV. Those people look so different when they're done. How hard is it to get used to that image in that mirror? Do their family and friends still see them or do they see a totally different person?

It seems to me like most people get one image of you in their heads and they are loathe to change that image no matter what else may be going on. My grandmother still interacts with me and expects me to act like I am about 6 years old. Dependent on her for everything. Unable to make a decision and certainly unable to raise my own children. I have tried to counteract this but it's kind of like hitting my head against a brick wall.

Why is it so hard for us to really see people, to know who they are, and connect with them where they are now instead of where we think they are or should be? And it gets even more complicated when we start to make an image of people in our heads that have nothing to do with who they actually are. We want them to be a certain way and we keep trying to put them into that box. Only they don't fit there.

I think this is so hard for parents especially. You have a dream in your head about your child, who you'd like them to be, the kinds of things you'd like them to do. Only they have their own agendas, even as early as 16 months (Yes C I am talking about you!) and you cannot change that.

I think it is hardest maybe when we fall in love with an image we have of someone and then they fail to live up to that image. We spend our lives trying to hold them to that standard. Constantly frustrated when they fall short of the idea we have of them. But that idea is really based less on them and more on what we would like our perfect partner to be. Only perfect partners don't exist. Perfect children don't exist. Perfect parents don't exist. We are who we are (red highlights and all). The trick then I guess is trying to get people to really see, and accept who we are.

Are you listening? I'm trying to sing my song.