Go see it!

I just got back from seeing Star Wars Episode III and all I can say is if you are a Star Wars fan in any way, go see this film. It is an amazing film in and of itself. But if you are a Star Wars fan this film makes all the others make sense. It completes the saga and now watching all six episodes in order will truly tell the tale of the Skywalker clan.

Why do people become evil? What drives us to do despicable things? How can anyone be in a position of power and not give in to corruption? What would you do to save the ones you love? Can one deal in absolutes and if you don't, if things aren't black and white, how do you decide what is right and what is wrong? When do people become dispensable?

The beauty of a story like Star Wars is that it makes you think about these things while marveling at the incredible special effects that give you amazing space battles and kick ass lightsaber fights.

So go, see it and see for yourself. Then we can discuss why the best thing about this movie is that you can see that 8 year old Anakin in the man who cries after killing a room full of people. That man thinks he can use his power to destroy and then when the time is right he can make it all right again. Only you can never go back. A lesson learned too late and a lesson that cost too much. Just go see the damn movie. I promise you it will be worth it.

In praise of Star Wars

Tonight DH and I are going out. The babysitter is coming to feed the kids and put them to bed. We get to go get a bite to eat and go to the movies. That alone would be cause for celebration, but in our family today is more like a holiday. Today we are going to see Star Wars Episode III.

DH is a major Star Wars fan and when I say major well let's just say that if I was not around he'd be one of those people waiting in line by the movie theater for a week or more. And many people seeing his enthusiasm might think that he just pulls me along with him. However, they would be wrong. Now I won't say that I am as big of fan as he is. Really I'm not sure that is possible. But when I was a little girl I had Star Wars action figures (they're still in the toy pile at my mom's house) and among my many Barbie dolls was a Princess Leia doll. (I even think I had a Han Solo doll. Move over Ken!) I have pictures of me as a child with Princess Leia hair. I have played trivia games and held my own. I have memorized most of the first three movies. So way before I ever met DH I could be certified as a bona-fide fan.

It is hard to say how much influence the Star Wars movies had on those of us born in the 70s. Though clearly space travel never looked so cool, and age old myths and tales of coming of age never seemed so real.

Now with the first three episodes of the saga we have seen the story of Anakin Skywalker and his coming of age. (I'm not much into younger men but the picture of Hayden Christensen on the cover of GQ is incredible.) A much different story than that of his son. What will our children take away from seeing all six movies?

I've heard that Episode III is good, very good. And maybe could even stand with the original as an equal. I certainly hope so. I'll be there tonight, in my Princess Leia t-shirt (My hair is too short now to be in buns, though I'll admit I did do the bun thing for Episode I.) DH already has tickets for tomorrow afternoon and plans to go again next week. My ability to hie off to the movies is more constrained due to Q and C. But I am looking forward to tonight, probably more than most people who know me would think.

And may the force be with my babysitter as she tries to put my children to sleep.

Lost in the woods

So this weekend my family got lost in the woods. No, I am not using a deep metaphor. We actually got lost in the woods by our house.

Saturday morning we decided to spend some family time together. A few weeks ago I started teaching at Gymboree, especially doing birthday parties on the weekends. Given that and DH's aforementioned extreme work schedule with the end of the semester, we haven't really seen that much of one another so we wanted to do something fun. But we didn't have too much time. Q had speech therapy at noon, and it was already after 10am. So we decided to take a walk. It was a beautiful spring morning and there are some excellent hiking trails right near our house. It made sense at the time.

We started out on trails we already knew but fairly soon we crossed a bridge over to the other side of a small river. We had never been on this side of the river and decided to do some exploring. Surely, we thought, there would be a bridge somewhere along the line where we could cross back over the river and go towards home. Looking back, of course, this looks like a poor decision. We had not decided to be out that long. We had no provisions with us, no water or food. DH had a cel phone and Q had a toy plane and that was pretty much the extent of our supplies. C was happily seated in her backpack on DH's back. But for some reason we thought this was no big deal.

All the sudden it is 11:45 and there is no bridge anywhere. We have already been walking for over an hour. Though we talk about walking back the way we came, I am aware that in 15 minutes we are supposed to be at speech therapy. DH has his phone but we don't have the therapist's number with us as we didn't expect to be, you know, lost in the fucking woods. Q is getting tired and I am alternately carrying him and holding his hand while pulling him along. The only one who is really happy is our dog. We push on hoping to find a bridge soon. We are in the middle of suburbia but I hear no road noise, see no houses, and there are no people around. I am starting to get worried.

We have now started casing the river for crossing points. We cross a small stream and I somehow think we are now going in the right direction back home. DH knows better. Finally we see some people! One woman says there is no bridge anywhere near here. We keep going, not sure what to do. We run into a man walking his two dogs. He says that we need to cross the river now because if we keep going the trail we're on will curve away from the river. There is a fallen tree across the river and we can try to get over on that. A quick walk onto the tree convinces me that this isn't the way to go. Finally we find a shallow part where we can cross. The incredibly nice and helpful man with the dogs helps us get to the riverbank. (Keep in mind we have a dog, a walking preschooler and a backpack full of toddler. It isn't easy to get anywhere where there isn't a clear trail.) By this time we are very late to speech and basically we have missed our appointment.

After we cross the river (our shoes and lower pants now soaked) we start back on the path and we quickly find out we are at least on the right track but still a mile and a half from where we entered the trail. I am beyond tired now and I take C from DH's back so that DH can carry Q. Even the dog looks ready to go home.

Finally the trail starts to look familiar. And eventually we emerge back onto the street. Civilization!! Thank God!! At 1pm we return home and I call our speech therapist to try to explain. How exactly do you tell someone you went out for a walk only to get lost in the woods and not sound like a complete idiot? Pretty much you can't.

DH thinks it was all a grand adventure. My legs, still sore from trekking around with children in tow, aren't so sure. If only we had no appointments and some water and snacks I think it would have been a far better situation. We looked at a map when we got home and there really was no bridge anywhere close to where we were. And so it was that my intrepid family got lost in the woods in the middle of the suburbs. No, there's really no way to get out of sounding like a complete idiot.

Here in the military zone

Yesterday I was waiting for Q's bus to bring him home from school when I heard a helicopter. Over time I have gotten pretty used to hearing the many planes and helicopters that fly over our house. The kids will often talk about hearing an airplane and then we go look for it. The helicopter I heard yesterday sounded pretty low but we get buzzed regularly so I really didn't think about it. A few minutes later I heard a much louder sound as an F-16 flew over. It was incredibly loud but I couldn't see it. I still wasn't all that worried. Then a minute later another F-16 flew by. Now my mind started to go places that I reserve for dark nightmares.

We do live in Washington DC and in the back of my mind I am very aware of the possibility of a terrorist attack. Truth be told you can't spend much time around Washington without being aware of the fact that we are a target. Concrete barriers abound and you can't enter a government building without going through a metal detector. I live less than 10 miles from the White House. I am aware of the constant risk we live with. I don't think it is a big risk, but certainly after 9/11 I know it is always a possibility.

It turns out that a small plane violated restricted airspace. The pilots had old maps and seemed to be totally unaware of the trouble they had caused or were in. Only when the F-16 fired warning shots in front of them (Can you imagine that moment? You're in a friggin Cessna two seater and an F-16 is firing near you. I think I'd pee my pants right there.) did they take the hint and fly (escorted) out of the area. In the meantime the Capitol was evacuated for the second time this Spring. And I was reminded of those black nightmares and how closely guarded we are by the military.

And I was reminded how easy it is to be ruled by fear. Later that night I was flipping through the TV (As everyone who is married to/living with an academic knows, the end of the semester means your significant other is MIA while grading, so I am often on my own in the evenings.) and landed for a few moments on Bill O'Reilly's ridiculous talk show. Apparently in Colorado a police officer was killed and another was wounded by a man who turned out to be here illegally. So O'Reilly is complaining about illegal immigration because you know that no US citizen has ever killed a cop. He had on an immigration lawyer who was arguing with him. The lawyer said that there is no way to fully close the border. O'Reilly said sure there is, with the military. No one crosses the border between North and South Korea, O'Reilly said. All we need to do is militarize the border.

Now leaving aside that the comparison of Korea to the US/Mexican border is not very flattering or sensical in any way, are we really interested in living in a country where the military constantly patrols our borders? Do we want to live in a military zone? Is that what we are willing to do to make sure that poor brown people who speak another language don't get into the country? Every time I think I am getting paranoid about the right wing in this country, I hear something that scare me even more. Let's not even get into the fact that we're bleeding casualties in Iraq and the Army is having problems with recruiting. Let's certainly use the military that we don't have and that is supposed to be fighting terrorism, to keep those damn Mexicans out. I wonder if people who think these kinds of things really know what it would be like to live in a military zone.

I do not live in a military zone quite yet but I certainly hope that I never have to. Hearing F-16 fighters scramble overhead is scary enough.

Madame President

I was reading a column in the Washington Post this morning about Hilary Clinton and how the right is already maneuvering to portray her as a flip-flopper in anticipation of her 2008 presidential bid. Personally, though I have always admired Clinton for her strength and positions, I have been deeply skeptical of her ability to win such an election because she was seen as such a polarizing figure when her husband was president. But just for a moment I allowed myself to think about what it would be like to have a woman as our president.

I have never been one to overlook the role of gender in just about any situation, but I think it is particularly important when it comes to leadership roles. When I was in middle school I started to think about what it would be like to be a pastor in a church. But one major problem I had with seeing myself in that position was that all the religious leaders that I had ever had were men. I didn't see women as religious leaders in that way. Sure they ran the inner workings of the church, but up there preaching and representing God to the congregation, no. Then, many years later when I had abandoned my dream of being a pastor and decided to go into social work instead, I met a female pastor. She was awesome. She ended up officiating at my wedding and when we later moved to that area, we attended that church.

It was an incredible revelation to have a woman up in the pulpit. It helped that she was an incredible woman and spiritual presence and could give a sermon that stayed with you all week. And yes, I have since seen some women that are not such great pastors. I am certainly not saying being a woman gives you an edge that way. But just seeing a woman up there and hearing her stories and understanding of life and the divine, made me rethink my own path. If Diane could be a strong, wonderful, Christian leader, maybe I could too.

Yesterday, Mother's Day, a female ordained member of our congregation gave a wonderful mother's day sermon about the many names of God and allowing ourselves to use Mother among those names. What would it mean to see God as a feminine presence, a motherly presence that held us and took care of us and loved us as sometimes only mothers can? What about and image of a fierce mother God protecting Her childen? This is what having a woman in the pulpit brings home for me. God isn't only a an old guy with a white beard. S/He is much bigger than that.

So what would it mean to see a woman as our president? Would more woman think they cold get into politics and make a difference? Would that role model give us hope for our own aspirations? Would it perhaps give us a different perspective on things? I'm not saying a softer perspective, but just a different one? Would women maybe feel as if they are more fully members of this society if a woman was in charge? I am not sure what difference it would really make. I can only guess from the impact that having a woman in a religious leadership position has made on me. But I think we can safely say that it would certainly be a paradigm shift and maybe open people's eyes in ways we can't even imagine yet.

And yes, in another year I will be applying to seminary to finally fulfill that dream I had back when I was 11. I will be a woman pastor. Thank you Diane Darling.

Hilary Clinton, you go girl. You have my vote.

He's autistic, not insane

I just got through watching an episode of the latest Law and Order franchise, Trial by Jury and I am so spitting mad that I feel like I could break something. Tonight's episode centered on a man who was accused of rape and murder. He was old money and there was all these other undercurrents going on but what really got me was his defense. He pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity because (I may need to throw something here), he has Asperger's Syndrome. AS is considered to be on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. There is quite a debate about whether it is simply high functioning autism or a separate diagnosis. The debate seems to center around the fact that most people with AS do not have speech issues and their issues tend to be less severe than people on the middle to low end of the spectrum. But let me make it clear here that no matter your place on the autism spectrum, you are not insane simply because you have autism or AS, and that would not excuse you from committing a crime. Let me repeat that again: being autistic does NOT mean you are insane in any way shape or form.

The argument for the rapist seemed to be that, like most people on the autism spectrum, he had a hard time reading faces or interpreting other people's social cues. Therefore when a young woman smiled and him and asked him for the time he didn't understand that that was all she wanted from him. He thought she was hitting on him and apparently this gave him the right to have sex with her, even though she was hysterically crying through the whole thing. It was consensual, he said. And of course since he has AS he didn't realize that it wasn't consensual and so you should excuse him from raping her.

The police psychologist who interviewed the defendant seemed to agree with this whole defense. Yes, she did say that people with AS are more likely to be the victims of a crime than the perpetrators, but then seemed to give this particular guy a free pass because of his disorder. The defense lawyer in his closing arguments said that people know speeding is wrong but what if you didn't have a speedometer, how would you know you were speeding (and therefore doing something wrong). Similarly if this guy couldn't read faces and social cues how was he to know that he was hurting this woman and that she didn't just want to have sex with him. Luckily the jury didn't buy this incredible line of bullshit but what bothers me is that the show used AS as some kind of excuse at all.

People with AS know right from wrong. They tend to be sticklers for rules as it helps them to understand and keep order in their surroundings. They are not crazy and they are not rapists. I think what bothers me most of all is that someone tuning into this show, who knows nothing about autism and AS, now might think they have some kind of understanding that autistic people are crazy or don't know right from wrong or are rapists or tend to be violent. ALL OF THESE ARE FALSE STATEMENTS!!!! I know autism and AS are all the rage now because of the increase in diagnosis but don't use it totally out of context. What this guy did to these women had nothing to do with AS. It did seem like he was not quite right but this seemed more from his crazy and abusive upbringing than anything else. Obviously they tried to make him exhibit some AS traits but it has nothing to do with his being a rapist.

One day my son will grow up and I hope to God that no one notices a few odd quirks about him and assumes that he is insane or somehow violent because he isn't the best at interpreting social cues. He certainly does know right from wrong. Shows like this will not help to get people to better understand this diagnosis and I am very surprised this somehow got aired on NBC, the network that recently had such a big push for information on autism. I will write to them to protest but the bottom line is that I doubt it will do much good and certainly the show is already out there. For those that have seen it, it may be difficult to separate AS from violent behavior and who knows what that might translate to down the line. "Yeah, I know that kid down the block is AS or has some similar issues. I think he should stay away from our daughter in case he misinterprets her behavior. "

A good book that is out in the popular press that gives you a possible glimpse into the mind of someone who is autistic is "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" by Mark Haddon. Or if you like soaps check out the character Lilly on All My Children. Or read a book by Temple Grandin. Just don't think that AS is how Trial by Jury portrayed it, for my son's sake and for everyone that is affected by autism.

Not so frequently asked questions

Q: What is this blog about?
A: Pretty much anything I am presently thinking about. That could be motherhood, autism, marriage, religion, baseball, politics, or just about anything else. This is not an overtly political blog, though I have very deeply help political ideas and I probably rage at least once a day about how the Republicans are destroying the country. But many other blogs are much better at discussing and making fun of politics so I simply read those (check my blog roll) and don't try to copy them. This is also not a list of my daily activities. Really who wants to hear about laundry, housework, diaper changes, playground politics, and how to deal with your diva daughter and her numerous temper tantrums.

Q: Do you really think of yourself as a housewife?
A: No, not really. I think of myself as an at home mom who takes care of two little children and tries to keep the house in a semi-neat and clean state. But I think we can't escape from the fact that being an at home mom has this housewife stuff attached to it. There is no way in hell that when DH comes home the house will be spotless and I will be all dressed up with a full dinner on the table and two smiling kids waiting to eat. And yet that was the image of the 50s housewife. It deeply affects how we think of ourselves as moms, both career moms and at home moms. If we acknowledge this housewife heritage maybe we can start to move away from it into a more healthy understanding of women, mothers, and family.

Q: What's the dilemma?
A: How to have a healthy identity as a stay at home mom and how to figure out whether I want to continue to stay at home or go back to some kind of career. Currently I am leaning toward the career option but probably part time after I get another degree. (Why not really because education seems to be never ending for me.) Our culture treats your job as your identity and when you don't have a paying job, your identity comes into question. Part of this blog is my attempt to figure out what that identity is for me.

Q: Your son is on the autism spectrum. Why don't you just blog on what it is like to live with that?
A: Originally when I thought about blogging that was what I was planning to do. Only I realized that I had so much more to say than that. Also to just blog on that would be to say that autism is the overwhelming issue in our house and that is just not true. We live with it. We work on it. We talk about it. But it doesn't rule us and I have no interest in letting it rule us. Q is much bigger than that 1 label. I guess that in some ways I feel like if I let that be the overwhelming issue in our lives then autism would win. So I will often blog about how autism affects my life and my own views on it, but it isn't the main issue for me.

Q: A Yankees and a Nats fan?
A: I was born and raised in NY so the Yankees will always be my hometown team. (And yes I am disgusted and frustrated with their dismal record this year.) But Washington has become my adopted home town and so I am also a Nationals fan. It is hard to live in DC and not get swept into Nationals fever. And it is so nice to go to a game and be rooting for the home team. (Usually we go to a few Orioles games in Baltimore and root for the Yankees.) They are in different leagues so I am not too worried about having to choose who I will be loyal to.

Q: What kind of guilty pleasures?
A: Soap operas are my big sin (ABC soaps in particular) along with romance novels (historical England and Europe). I will admit, with great shame, that I was addicted to the last Bachelorette show. Thank God that is over now.

Q: A liberal Christian?
A: Yes. I am a progressive, a liberal, and a Democrat, but I am also a Christian who has a deep spiritual faith. I do not see these are opposites but most people do. I hate to say I am just a Christian as most people have this right wing view of Christianity. But I also hate to say that I am just a liberal since that ignores that I believe that my faith informs my politics. Liberal, progressive Christianity seems to be hard to define so I decided not to try to define it.

I hope, dear reader, that these answers give you a little better idea of me and what this blog is about. Keep on reading.