Lonely Hearts Club

I remember when I was new to the whole stay at home mom thing and Q was an infant I felt very isolated. I had always heard people say how lonely it was to be a stay at home mom. And in the fist six months or so I found that to be very true. But then things changed. I joined two different playgroups and started to get out of the house and suddenly I knew all kinds of people.

It turns out that stay at home moms have figured out all kinds of ways to get out and meet other moms. If you take advantage of these ways you will find yourself a community and plenty of people to connect with. For me it was the best. There were times it was lonely in the house with a small being who could barely talk. But if that happened we just put our shoes on and went to the playground or downtown to the book store. Before long we would run across someone we knew and I wasn't so lonely anymore. Despite staying home I had a ton of contacts even though according to conventional wisdom I was supposed to be very lonely and isolated.

So it comes as somewhat of a shock to me that it is now, when I am actually working, that I feel more lonely and isolated than I ever did when I stayed at home. Now that most moms I know have gone back to work, no one has time to get together anymore. I have one playgroup left and it gets harder and harder to get to that meeting. I barely ever get to the playground or bookstore anymore and even when I do I don't recognize the moms and kids already there.

I started feeling more isolated after Q was diagnosed. Suddenly my agenda - finding and participating in therapy, making doctor appointments, and reading up in special ed law, was very different from that of most moms I knew. At the time Q was in a co-operative preschool which I loved. I knew all the moms and the kids in his class. The moms even went out by themselves from time to time. It was those moms that helped me through figuring out what was wrong with Q and did their best to engage him whenever possible. When I left that school I almost cried. When Q started in special ed preschool and took the bus every day I started to feel the difference. I knew none the kids in his class and even after I learned their names I hardly ever got to see heir parents. But I still had the playgroups and other ways to connect with people.

Before I took this job my plan was to return Q to his co-op preschool this year and start C there. I was excited about returning and ran into some of my old friends there when I was registering the kids. A few months later this position at the church came open and I jumped at it, but it meant we had to find new preschool options that included longer hours. We found a school that I think works for us but since pretty much all the parents work there was none of that same community feeling we had the co-op. Because of my hours we had to drop a playgroup and since we're fairly busy with Q's therapies as extra activities there isn't too much time left for much else.

I guess you're supposed to have friends at work then. Only that doesn't work for me since I work one day with my Pastor, one day all by myself, and then teach the kids on Sunday morning. There's not many contacts to make. And even when I was working my friends at work were never as great as those other moms I used to hang out with.

So many things have changed since I went back to work. I used to think that working part time was the best option since you had the best of both worlds. I've since come to see you actually now just have two worlds to juggle, still being a full time mom while now having to deal with work as well. Any pay you make goes directly to the childcare bills you're racking up and you have less time, less energy, and basically less of everything

How do people do it? I am not sure. How bout it you blogging mommies out there? How do you be a good mom and have a great job at the same time? How do you not feel guilty about barely holding it together all the time? How do you find other people (other moms) when you don't have any extra time as it is? I am deeply aware of all the blessings that I have and I try never to take them for granted, but I am weary and I am lonely. I need to find a better way.