Have label, will travel

Recently I received an e-mail from one of the autism listservs I am on. Included in the body of the message was a template for a business card that parents could make and give out as necessary. The template said:

This child is autistic.
 
     Autistic children may experience difficulty in certain situations that may cause them to exhibit undesirable behaviors.  These outbursts often happen for no apparent reason and may be due to the child's inability to tolerate the present environment.  The occurrence of these tantrums is a symptom of this condition and is not due to a lack of appropriate parenting skills.

I have heard of this sort of thing before. One person even said they had a t-shirt made up saying something similar and had their child wear it when they suspected their child might be hard to handle that day. I am torn over this. Though I totally understand the wish to educate others about autism and it' effects, and I while I freely identify Q as being diagnosed as on the spectrum, I'm not sure I would advertise him in this way. I know about feeling as though other people are questioning my parenting skills, and even having others question them to my face, but I'm not sure I should acknowledge that others have the right to do so. What if it was my daughter's behavior? I have no "excuse" for her when she throws herself on the floor in the grocery store.

And how will your child feel one day when he or she looks at a picture of finds a card and realizes her parents were so ashamed of him or her that they had to label them (on their shirt no less!)?Yes, our children have special needs, they have undesirable and uncontrollable behavior at times, and yes most of the time they look like totally normal kids so people misjudge the situation. There have been times when I have explained Q's issues to those around us when needed, even strangers. But somehow that seems a bit different than printing out a card or putting it on a shirt. Maybe I am making a false distinction.

But the above statement seems to rule out that we could have pride or a sense of accomplishment in our children. They make it seem like autism is a death sentence, something I am not willing to accept. And yet the man who sent this statement is one the biggest advocates for autism in my area. He sends out tons of information every week or so and I have learned so much from his e-mails.

How do we deal with the fact that people hate difference? That the minute anyone deviates from what we consider "normal", society shies away and either makes fun of it or tries to deny it exists. We try to excuse the difference. Or we label it. See, don't be upset that we're different - it's all because we're autistic. No one ever seems to say we're great because we're autistic. We're able to see the world in a different way because we're autistic. We are the great thinkers and artists. We are the musicians and professors. No one hands out a card like that very often. I know that life is harder for me and mine because of autism and I am ready and willing to explain that to anyone who needs to know. But I don't ever want my son to feel that I made excuses for him, that I somehow explained the whole of who he is by saying he is autistic.

Oh how I wish for a world where people looked on one another with love, instead of with criticism, where we tried to understand, rather than needing an excuse or explanation, where we appreciate difference, rather than trying to fit everyone inside our neat little boxes. I know that these cards and other statements similar to this are ways for parents and autistic children and adults to survive in this crazy world. I just wish we didn't need them.