The Sisterhood of Motherhood

There is just something about being a mother...

As a teenager and a young adult I never had that many female friends. I'm not sure why. I had one or two girlfriends who were more like my sisters than friends. (Especially my college roommate who was my absolute best friend for years until our two different lives pulled us apart.) But I was never part of that girl group that other women seemed to fall into fairly easily, until I had children.

There is something about motherhood that seems to pull women together and makes you feel like you're part of some larger club. Of course not all mothers get along, but when you're a mom, especially when you have children of a similar age, it is so much easier to have a rapport. You have a starting place. Your lives are very similar in many ways. Having children gives you a very common denominator. I've even had moms who had older children give me comfort or aid simply because they remember what it was like. Just going to the playground usually means meeting and having a short conversation with another mom. We may never meet again but for a few short moments we are sisters of a sort.

You can find this sisterhood of motherhood everywhere children congregate: baby gym classes, playgrounds, preschools, pools, music classes, storytimes, etc. Now of course there are cracks in this sisterhood. Those moms who work vs. those who don't. Those things that divide all of society: race, class, and economics. They divide mothers too. But I am continually amazed at how motherhood pulls women together.

From the time Q was an infant I have met and been friends with amazing women who also had small children. They have been amazing in supporting me through all kinds of things. They are the group of women friends I always wanted but never had. I don't think we are friends just because we are mothers, but being moms gives us so much in common. And since we all know what caring for children means, we can support each other through the hard times.
Since Q has been in therapy I am meeting a whole new sisterhood of moms of special needs kids. It is amazing to me how different our kids can be and yet, we still understand each other and can support each other.

So here's to all my friends, my sisters in motherhood, thank you so much for being there for me and being part of my life.

The No Go Very Bad Horrible Evening

Wednesday night my family tried to go to a baseball game. I say tried because it really didn't work all that well. We had tickets to a Orioles v. Yankees game at Camden Yards in Baltimore. First we got stuck in traffic. C is a horrible traveler and so she started yelling. Having assumed we would eat at the baseball game, I didn't have a whole lot of snacks with me. But suddenly everyone was starving, including DH, which made him very cranky. Then the rain started. Forecasters were saying a line of storms were going to move over the Baltimore area but then the rain would end. Likely story.

We were still stuck in traffic when the radio told us that the game was in rain delay. Go figure with the downpour pattering on our car and lightning and thunder everywhere. Finally we got to a place to turn. It said general parking so off we went. Wrong move. This parking lot was in the back of beyond and a bad place to park but by the time we realized this it was too late. We had already paid our money. It was still raining. As we pulled up Q states he needs to go potty. This usually sends everyone running as Q does not have much holding power. So Q goes in the bushes and we start our long trek to the stadium in the rain. We have one umbrella that DH uses because he has C on his back. Q loves running in the rain. I'm thinking this walk will really suck when we're heading back. Suddenly Q says "Potty" and proceeds to pee while walking. Oh the fun is really starting now.

When we finally get to the stadium it is packed. It seems no one is allowed in the seats due to the lightning so all several thousand of us are milling around the outside. Since we are starving we head to a concession stand. Almost $40 later we have food, not good food, but food. I hold the trays as there is nowhere to sit. DH eats so he can stop being so cranky. The kids eat but I try to keep Q close because of the crazy crowd. It would be so easy to lose him. Then the potty call comes again and DH runs Q off to the bathroom to try to avoid another accident. (And no I didn't have a change of clothes with me.) Another mom comes over to me and offers to hold the trays while I eat. She has older kids and remembers what it was like when they couldn't hold their own food. Finally we find a space to put everything so we can stand up and eat without dropping something.

After eating we try to find our seats. It is now 8:30pm. The game was supposed to start at 7pm and it is still pouring. We probably should have gone home at this point but we were hoping for the end of rain and a little bit of the game. The one thing we did right was buy tickets under the overhang so we had dry seats to sit in. After about 40 minutes the announcement came, the game was rained out. And we started back to our car.

And we walked and walked, still in the rain and now in the dark. We were all exhausted and still cranky. Q wanted more food and I was thirsty. Too bad they closed concessions as soon as they called the game. Finally back to the car to battle the traffic. We had planned to leave the game early to get the kids to bed and avoid the traffic, now there was no avoiding. Back in the car the kids were not asleep as I had planned. Ha! Your plans are no match for our boundless energy. They were yelling and so was I. I spent half the trip trying to hold C's hand from the front seat so she wouldn't cry. This was not the most pleasant position.

Arriving in our neighborhood we realized it was a little too dark. And it hit me, we had lost power. Here in the third world of Maryland we lose power anytime it rains too hard. Now we had to find flashlights. I had to try to keep C asleep while putting her in pjs by flashlight. Finally the kids were in bed and DH and I could collapse. The power didn't come back until 5:30am. And the kids were up at 7. So much for a great night of baseball. DH and I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall. Was the madness over? Was Murphy's Law done with us?

It seems like it was an isolated incident of a horrible evening but we're on guard just in case.

What God has put together

I have been married for almost 10 years and the institution of marriage is very important to me. If I was a conservative this is where I would rail against gay marriage. But surprise, I am not a conservative, and I think gay marriage is a great idea. Anything that promotes stable, loving, monogamous relationships is a positive thing in my mind.

What is so great about marriage? Commitment. When you get married you commit to the other person. You promise things to that other person. You pledge yourself to that other person. And in that place of commitment you can finally be yourself. Lets be honest, if you're in an uncommitted relationship it's hard to relax. You're trying to figure out the other person, trying to see if this is something that will last. You try to be yourself but you're always putting on your best face because if you don't, then you might not have a relationship. If you showed who you really are or if you spent time working on yourself would the other person still be interested?

When you get married or commit yourself in some way to another person, you can start to let that guard down. Now don't misunderstand, this doesn't mean that you should never try to be your best self once you're married, but you don't have to worry so much. It becomes a safe space and in that space you can delve deeper into yourself and help your partner do the same. You can experiment with all kinds of things in that safe space. Hopefully the energy between you and your partner pushes you both further along on your journeys.

Sometimes if things go wrong in a marriage you can lose this safe space. And then you are reminded of how powerful that space can be. When you're not worried about just surviving, then you can do and be so much more than you even thought you could be. That's why I think marriage is so important. It is so difficult for us to let go of our fear and insecurity and yet to really live, that is what we must do. A good marriage assures both partners that they don't have to worry that their partner will be there for them. It isn't easy. And sometimes it takes a whole lot of work, but knowing, truly knowing that you are loved and cared for can make all of life so much better. I wish for everyone what I wish for myself - a strong and happy marriage that lasts until death do us part.